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Relationship Tips to Help You Live 'Happily Ever After' Together

If you pass just about any newsstand nowadays, you'll no doubt see headlines such as "Beat Stress," "Get 'Wow'-Worthy Hair" and "Increase Your Happiness" screaming for attention from passers-by. And why not? Who doesn't want to look and feel better?

However, while clearer skin, shinier hair and less stress can certainly make you feel happier in the short run, truly improving your life arguably has a lot more to do with the quality of your relationships. In fact, recent studies from George Washington University, Duke University and the University of Zurich, Switzerland, suggest that having a good relationship may be the key not only to greater happiness but also to a better recovery from breast cancer, heart disease and other illnesses.

In her recently released audio book, "From Pain to Passion: Building a Truly Great Relationship," relationship expert Adele Britton provides a road map for creating a joyful life through more positive interactions with loved ones.

Britton offers easy steps for developing the tools necessary to build a great relationship in a disarmingly candid way, coloring her narrative with stories and examples culled from her more than 26 years of experience as a psychotherapist, radio personality and online advice columnist at www.AskAdele.com. Here are several of her top recommendations:

• Know what makes you feel alive and creative. Being in touch with your emotions will empower you and help you communicate better.

• Agree to make the health and happiness of your relationship a priority. It's important to talk about the values and beliefs that are important to you both, including being emotionally available to each other.

• Make sure your communication is effective and "win-win." If you feel drained, defensive or misunderstood, you're battling, not relating. Speaking respectfully to each other is the first step to resolving issues effectively.

• Stop defending your points of view. Be open-minded and generous with one another. Relationships can suffer when one partner insists on being right.

• Don't point fingers. The finger of blame resolves nothing. In fact, it's likely to induce anger, guilt and low self-esteem.

• Know the difference between productive anger and rage. Anger that is expressed recklessly or not at all can explode into destructive rage. Understanding and working positively with your anger is vital to a healthy relationship.

• Borrow, don't possess, your loved ones. Believing that your spouse "belongs" to you invites you to inappropriately speak, think and manage his or her life.

• Don't use the past as an indictment. Healthy families learn from mistakes and adopt new, constructive ways to savor their transformed lives together.

• Think outside your parents' box. For functional, adult relationships, forego childhood beliefs and values. Tune into your own common sense and intuition, creating and following your own goals.

• Make joy, love and passion the focus of your relationships. Embrace conflict as an opportunity to work through and solve problems together.

According to Britton, the inner work described in her book actually makes you more attractive. "People are so consumed with surface issues, like looks and image. But when you neglect the inner work - the work you do to connect more completely and joyfully with yourself and others - then no amount of makeup can help," she says. "What can compare to the true glow of happiness that shines through when you are surrounded by fulfilling relationships?"

For more healthy relationship tips or to order "From Pain to Passion," visit www.AskAdele.com.

 

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