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Military Weddings Lose Popularity
By DEBRA GASKILL
Associated Press
Assembly line June weddings are a thing of the past at U.S. military academies as more young officers elect to establish their careers before walking down the aisle.
Graduation week weddings once were so numerous at service academies that wedding times were assigned by lottery, with barely enough time allowed -- in some cases just an hour -- to get the couple wed.
"We used to have as many as 100 weddings during graduation week, from eight in the morning until nine at night," said Peggy Kelley, wedding coordinator at the Air Force Academy. "One bride would be walking down the aisle while another was literally changing into her gown. That's changed dramatically.
"People wait longer to get married. We average about 20-30 weddings on graduation week now."
Military weddings traditionally include the groom and the ushers, if military, in their dress uniforms.
If officers, the event may include an arch of six sabers, a dramatic -- and some might say slightly risque -- end to the marriage ceremony.
The arch of sabers follows the ceremony in all services, according to Service Etiquette, a guide for new officers originally published in 1959 and still in use at West Point, according to Cadet Hostess Carol Wearth, who teaches etiquette classes. At West Point, there are six sets of sabers on hand -- and one antique set -- just for use at military weddings, she said.
The saber bearers assemble just outside the door of the church as the couple walk back down the aisle after saying their vows. As they pass through the first arch, one pair of sabers is lowered in front of the couple.
The couple are allowed to pass once they have given the proper password -- a kiss.
As the bride and groom pass beneath the last pair of sabers, another saber bearer lowers his saber after the bride and gives her a swat on the behind, declaring: "Welcome to the army, Mrs. Jones!"
It's a tradition that is declining as many young lieutenants and ensigns wait to tie the knot until they are more settled in their careers.
Academy graduates, whether they be from the Military Academy at West Point, the Naval, Air Force, or Coast Guard academies, can get married after graduation at one of the chapels located on each academy's campus. Active duty personnel stationed at the academies, and their dependents under age 21 and living at home can also get married at the academies, according to officials.
"We've seen a major drop-off in graduation week weddings," according to Father Thomas Murphy, Chaplain at the Coast Guard Academy in New London, Conn. "We've gone from 10 to 15 weddings to three at graduation week."
Murphy, a 29-year veteran who was seen 87 countries, also served as chaplain at the Naval Academy in Annapolis, Md.
While at Annapolis, Murphy says he performed his share of back-to-back weddings. "I've gone from a wedding mass to a wedding ceremony because the bride was half an hour late and there was another wedding immediately following," he said.
Part of the reason for the decline, at least at the Coast Guard Academy, according to Murphy, is that midshipmen are "strongly discouraged" from getting married before they start their careers.
"It's hard to start on a brand new career and to embark on a brand-new marriage at the same time," he said. "You have to hit the deck running with your career and (when you're also a newlywed) it creates issues."
Many new officers wait a few years and then come back to their academy to get married.
Still, there are different stresses for a military marriage than civilian marriages, none more obvious than now when the country is at war.
"People who serve in the military serve 365 days a year, 24 hours a day," Murphy said. "Every hour is accounted for. Sea services are different because they go out on a ship. They're gone for six months at a time."
Military marriage has changed as well, with many wives having careers of their own.
"It makes it hard," Murphy says.
Captain John Cook, chaplain at the United States Military Academy at West Point, says most brides -- and the vast majority of civilians who marry into the military are still women -- have "no clue" about what they are getting into.
Cook tries to give potential brides an idea of what's ahead during West Point's annual bride's coffee, held each May.
"The army is its own family," said Cook. "When you marry a soldier, you're marrying into the military family and it's full of its own traditions."
Cook advises couples to expect to travel and to move a lot, to expect some long hours and separations.
"It's not a nine-to-five job, and he'll have to work hard at his first assignment," Cook said.
Wives should also get involved in the military community, find a mentor and "schedule and guard their couple and family time."
Most of all, "keep a positive attitude," Cook said. "The army is what you make it. It's the people who will be your military family."
The rewards can be great, however.
"When I came back from Desert Storm, they were playing the Bette Midler song, 'Wind Beneath My Wings.' I thought, you can look at that song two ways -- for the people who served and for the wives and kids back home," Cook said. "They were the real heroes of Desert Storm. They stayed at home and kept everything going.
"And I tell brides 'That's the impact you'll have on our nation, as you serve your nation beside your spouse. We as the military could not do what we do without you."
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